Random Twilight Moments
by x-Amz-x
Summary: A look at some of the more romantic and emotional moment's that I would have liked to see in the Twilight Saga. : Enjoy
1. Everytime We Touch

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just like playing with Stephine Meyers world :) so don't sue me please :D**

Everytime We Touch

Here he was, as beautiful and perfect as ever. Lying next to me, his golden eyes were closed peacefully as his cold, marble arms wound their way around my waist, pulling me closer, yet not close enough.

We were lying in our meadow, and the soft sunshine of a summer in Forks sparkled gently on his skin, sending multi-coloured rainbows in every direction. It had been only two weeks since school had finished and Edward had barely left my side. Only for Charlie's sake did he leave my house at 10 o'clock each night, saying 'good night' at the door before climbing back in through my bedroom window and spending the night with me in his arms. I sighed contentedly at the thought and tried to move closer to him.

_I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me  
I still feel your touch in my dreams_

I sensed rather than saw that Edward was looking down at me, and I looked up to meet his eyes – they were a butterscotch shade today.

"Are you OK, love?" he asked me.

I looked back at him, and after controlling my breathing and collecting my thoughts, replied, "I've never been better."

I smiled at him and his answering smile dazzled me, yet again, before he bent his head and scrambled my thoughts once more.

The feel of his cold marble lips moving against mine took me back to the dream I had the previous night.

~*~

_We had been in his room at the Cullens' house. I was sat on his couch and he was selecting a CD from his collection of hundreds – "educating my taste in music", as he put it. As a soft melody began to float through the room, he made his way back to me and picked me up from the bed, before sitting down and cradling me in his lap. My dream did no justice to his voice, but it was still the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. It still sent shivers down my spine and turned my thoughts incoherent every time I heard it. _

_He bent his head, enabling his lips to whisper to my ear, "I love you." _

_My heart reacted as it always did when Edward was around, and my breathing became erratic. He placed a kiss on my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist; the electricity he caused under my skin ran once again through my body as his kisses continued._

~*~

It was happening again now, my breathing erratic, my body filled with electricity and his lips moving slowly down my neck. I sat up so that he wouldn't have to bend as far, though I'm sure it was no problem for him, and turned around; he followed my movements, and once again, captured me in his arms, and cradled me in his lap. I met his lips halfway this time and breathed in his sent; I couldn't get enough of this.

_Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why  
Without you it's hard to survive. _

I felt myself losing control, but I was powerless to stop it. I was too lost in his kiss; my breath was coming faster than ever and my heart felt like it was about to burst from my chest. My arms moved up to the front of his t-shirt and my hands locked behind his neck. I knew I was over stepping the line but it was so intense, so right that I knew even if I tried I wouldn't be able to stop.

I pressed myself to him more fiercely than I ever had before, knowing that what I was doing would result in the kiss ending, abruptly. And three seconds later, I was proved right.

Edward froze, a statue in my arms, his cold hands were resting on my cheeks as he pushed my face away gently.

"Bella," he said, his tone disapproving.

"I'm not apologising." I met his eyes with a confident glare, which melted as soon as a crooked grin shot across his face.

"I wasn't going to ask you to, love, but you have to be more careful."

Edward's hands were still on my face. He began stroking my cheeks with his thumbs, causing a blood rush. I groaned in frustration.

"I hate being fragile," I mumbled to myself, though of course, Edward heard.

"Bella," he said again, his voice saturated in disapproval. He knew where my mind was.

"Fine, I'm sorry, sorry for being weak!" I snapped, though in a split second, Edward had cradled me closer.

"You are anything but weak, Bella. You're one of the strongest, bravest people I know," he said, kissing my hair.

I laughed once without humour. "Yeah, right, of course. Next to Emmett, who could doubt my strength?"

Edward chuckled, "You know that's not what I meant, Bella."

"Yeah, OK, whatever. You won't change me, end of conversation."

I struggled to break his hold on me, and though he could've kept me there without even trying, he let me go. I hobbled across the meadow, trying not to trip over my crutches, and sat in the shade of a huge fir tree, wrapping my arms around the one good knee.

I knew this was irrational, I knew he stopped only to keep me safe, and yet, I couldn't help but be annoyed at the barriers in our relationship, and be even more annoyed with the fact that he had the power to change things, to change _me_, to allow those barriers to simply slip away.

But most of all, I was annoyed with myself. I was weak, weak to resist him and weak to accept this was all I would have with Edward, though it was more than enough.

I heard Edward's exasperated sigh after several minutes, and his voice carried across the meadow; he hadn't moved.

"Bella, _please_ tell me what you're thinking."_  
_

"You don't want to know." That did it. I felt a rush of wind blow against my hair as his supernatural nature allowed him to cross the meadow in less than a split second. His cool fingers were under my chin, forcing me to look up.

"I always want to know what you're thinking; you must know that by now."

"Maybe you do, but that doesn't mean you'll like it; _you_ should know _that_ by now."

"Yes, I should, but it doesn't change anything. I still want to know."

His scorching eyes burned into mine and I felt all my defences slip. My bottom lip pouted as I gave him what he wanted.

"Fine. I was thinking about how utterly annoyed I am that we have these stupid barriers between us because I'm so _fragile,_" I sneered at the word, "and I was thinking how I'm even more annoyed because you have the power to change that, but you refuse to."

I felt him turn to stone again, and his liquid eyes froze. I ignored him and continued. "But mostly, I was thinking how annoyed I am with myself. I'm too weak to resist you and too weak to accept that this is all we can have. Don't get me wrong, I know how absurdly lucky I am, I know I don't deserve you, I know I can never be enough for you, but these restrictions annoy the hell out of me."

If Edward hadn't been frozen, still, I'm sure the rush of words that were escaping his mouth now would have started long before I finished my rant.

After denying all of my statements, but one – he was absurdly against me being changed – his words finally slowed. "You are so unbelievably absurd, Bella, what can I do to prove you are my everything, my reason for existence? What can I do to show you that _I_ don't deserve _you_?"

I simply looked at him, raising my eyebrows.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand that wasn't holding my chin. "Bella, I don't know how I can say this any clearer. I. Will. Not. Change. You. I refuse to steal your life like that."

"I already knew that Edward; I told you. Well, end of conversation. I guess I'm simply going to work on my weakness."

A small growl of frustration escaped Edward's lips and I stared at him. His eyes melted, and in between being dazzled and his lips capturing mine once more, I realised I could not live without him in my life. To think of losing him brought pain beyond any I had ever felt before.

'_Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss, I swear I can fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last  
Need you by my side. _

All was forgiven, my small outburst forgotten, and we were once again lying side by side underneath the sun in our meadow.

I closed my eyes and to let myself think, think of Edward and only Edward.

I thought of how his touch made my pulse race, and made the blood flood my face, every time his cold hand caressed my cheek, my jaw, my neck. I remembered his cheek resting on my chest the first time we had come here, how I had slowly and softly traced the back of his hand, his palm, and made my way up his arm, marvelling at the feel of his skin. I embraced the utter contentment I felt whenever I saw him, whenever he held me, every time I ran into his arms.

Even now, when he's been away from me, from a mere half an hour to three long days – damn those hunting trips – the feeling I get when he comes back, like I had been in pain and it had suddenly gone, is such a feeling, I always think I might burst from satisfaction.

And then you factor in his lips, his flawless, cold hard lips, every time they touch my skin, and my heart skips a beat, and then picks back up at 3 times the normal rate. Even thinking about them makes my heart pick up now. I could sense Edward looking at me, having heard my heart's reaction to my thoughts.

"Your heart's beating so fast. What are you thinking about?"

Well at least this one would be easier to answer than the last time he had asked.

"You," I replied simply. I looked up and saw my favourite crooked smile grace his face, and I smiled too.

'_Cause every time we touch, I feel this static  
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky  
Can't you hear my heart beat so?  
I can't let you go  
Want you in my life _

His fingers were running up my arm now as I lay across his chest, soaking up the sun. I sank into his embrace even more than I thought possible. I felt oddly like we were in biology again, watching the film in the dark. Only this time, the urge to reach out and touch him wasn't there, because I was already closer than I thought I ever could be to him. But the electricity was there, and stronger than ever. It actually felt like my body was jumping as each pulse of electricity ran through from Edward's touch, though I never moved. If we had touched in the biology lab, then I doubted that either of us could have controlled ourselves. I would have kissed him there and then, not caring what people thought, not caring that I was shy and that Edward had barely touched me yet.

And Edward, Edward, I knew he had some sort of amazing control but I doubted that if it had been this intense, and especially if I had jumped on him, that he would have been able to resist Whether he failed to resist my blood or my body, I didn't know, but I refused to think of the first.

Edward seemed to guess my train of thought; he began to sit up, which made a small whine of protest slip though my lips. Edward chuckled, but kept hold of my hand as he moved to sit in front of me.

"I didn't think the intensity of that static feeling could get any worse," he said, as he ran his fingers along my cheekbone.

"Me neither, but that doesn't give you permission to move away from me," I replied, frowning.

Edward chuckled again and grabbed me to place in his lap. He leant down and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss and my heart rate picked up as usual. I could get used to having him near me like this, everyday of my life, everyday of forever, hopefully.

_Your arms are my castle; your heart is my sky  
They wipe away tears that I cry  
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all  
You make me rise when I fall  
_

_  
_Being here in his arms felt so safe, and I knew the only thing that could hurt me in this world would be if he left me, if he finally realised I wasn't what he wanted, I wasn't good enough for him. That would cause pain I doubt I would live through. But here, right now, I realised just how lucky I was to know that nothing could touch me as long as he was by my side.

I knew that one day I would leave him if he got his way. If he stayed with me throughout my human life, then one day I would leave him, no matter how much I wished differently. There had to be a way to persuade him this was the best way, the only way. There had to be a way into the deepest part of his heart, or didn't he want to keep me forever? Was one human lifetime enough for him when it was nowhere near enough for me?

I couldn't be parted from him. Ever.

Tears began to roll down my face before I could stop them, and I blocked the thought off before Edward could read it on my face. I didn't want to fight with him again today, but there was nothing I could do to stop him from noticing the tears spilling from my eyes.

"Bella, love, what's the matter?" he asked, lifting my chin to meet my gaze.

"Nothing, Edward. I'm just thinking, that's all," I answered, but of course he could see through my lies.

"Bells?" His look questioned my answer.

I sighed. Why was it that I couldn't lie to him? I couldn't lie to anyone, but with Edward there was just no point in even trying.

"Do you love me, Edward?" I asked, looking into his eyes as my favourite crooked smile lit up his face.

"Of course I do, Bella, with all my heart. I always will, I promise you." He kissed my forehead and looked back at me, confusion evident on his face, wondering where my thoughts were. "What are you thinking, Bella?"

"Just wondering if that's true. I mean, I believe you, but I'm wondering if there's a part of your heart that neither of us have seen, that you don't know about. I'm wondering if I can unlock it." The tears started again, and even though Edward was still confused as to my thinking, he let it drop – for now – and wiped away my tears with kisses.

I promised myself that the rest of today would be as peaceful and relaxing as it was planned to be; we would simply enjoy each other's company, enjoy the sun and enjoy the long summer that was now stretching before us.

We once again lay down and I closed my eyes, thinking.

I thought about the first time we had come to the meadow, the good times. The times when I realised just how much Edward meant to me, just how big a part of my life he was. We lay together until the shadows of the forest began to creep up on us.

He ran - scaring me silly in the process – back to my truck, and then he kissed me before spending the night in my room with me. I smiled, remembering all of the emotions I went through that day. And then, what happened the next day - meeting his family, playing baseball, and meeting James.

I repressed a shudder at the last thought but settled on remembering, remembering the bad times as well as the good. I honestly believed I would die, and I didn't mind as long as my mother was safe and as long as Edward stayed away from James and got on with his life, with his existence. And then when I thought my life was over, when I pictured Edward's perfect face for what I thought would be the last time, he had come, my angel.

My Edward had saved me, had picked me up from where I had fallen and brought me back from the blackness. And yet of this last point I couldn't be fully grateful, because if he had left the venom, who knows where we would be now, what we would be doing. The one thing I knew, I would be his equal, I would be someone who could stand at his side and not look out of place.

Yes, I was thankful he hadn't allowed it to happen because when I thought back to that moment, I found it hard to believe that I wouldn't have felt some remorse that it had been James who had changed me. In truth, the thought would have disgusted me.

And so my angel had brought me back, and here he was, still at my side, with no signs of moving.

'_Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last  
Need you by my side. _

'_Cause every time we touch, I feel this static  
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky  
Can't you hear my heart beat so?  
I can't let you go  
Want you in my life  
_

Here he goes again with his touching, my face, my hair, my cheeks, my jaw, my neck, my eyelids. We stared at each other and at every point his skin touched mine, and it felt as though flames had licked along the surface, burning me, though not to the point of pain, but satisfaction.

His kisses were the same, leaving burning heat in the pit of my stomach, heat that remained untamed because of his supernatural self control, though mine was a different story. I pulled myself closer and knelt up, ensuring he couldn't pull back. He could pull my face away but I was going to do everything I could to make sure it wouldn't come to that. I swung my leg over his body in one of the boldest moves I had ever used around Edward and it shocked me when he allowed it.

Carefully, so that he would let me go this far, at least, I leant down again and stared into the very pits of his eyes before pressing my lips to his, passionately pouring the depth of my feelings for him into the kiss. My heart rate picked up higher than ever, and I dragged ragged breaths in through my mouth. His lips left mine first but only to trail down my neck and back up along my jaw, to the hollow under my ear and then going back to my neck.

I groaned in his ear and as quickly as I had started, he stopped. He pulled my face back to look into my eyes, chuckled once, and then, kissed me once more before laying me back down next to him. I snuggled closer to him once again. I allowed myself to think of the possibility of losing him once more; the resulting pain even from the thought had me cuddling closer to him and shutting that door in my mind once again. I was never letting him go.

'_Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last  
Need you by my side_

As perfect as the day had turned out to be, it had to end at some point – for me at least – the shadows once again began creeping up on us. And as I sighed, Edward began to get up.

"Come on, love, let's get you home." He helped me to stand up, supporting me as I put my weight gingerly on my leg – the damn cast was finally coming off next week.

He smiled down at me again, making my heart skip. After pressing his lips to mine, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me easily, so that I was cradled in his arms. I wrapped my hands securely around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder, breathing in his sent as much as possible to prepare myself for the few hours of which he would have to leave me before Charlie went to sleep.

Right there, in his arms, a feeling of complete and utter contentment swept over me in a sudden rush, almost knocking the breath out of me. I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes. Edward's breath was thick in my hair as he pressed his cold lips to my head.

"You'll need to go on my back, Bells," he whispered.

I lifted my head up reluctantly, and he helped me to clamber onto his back. I adopted a grip that would have any human choking and buried my face between his neck and shoulder. There wasn't really a need to close my eyes anymore. It was hard to believe that I used to be scared of his running, but now I could fully appreciate the way Edward ran, graceful and powerful.

I turned my head and pressed one single kiss to his neck and we flew as one through the forest.

In no time at all we were back at the forest path where he had left the Volvo. He helped me down off his back, never letting me go to ensure I didn't fall on my leg. He held me close and my brown eyes met his golden orbs.

One last earth shattering kiss wasn't too much to ask before he left me for even a short length of time, was it?

He complied with my unspoken wish, and his cool marble lips pressed against mine, making me mould myself to his shape. His hands were at the small of my back, bending me towards him, and his other was tangled in the base of my hair, holding my face to his.

My heart stopped beating, I was sure of it, though I didn't care. I would stay here forever if I could. His lips were hard against mine, but didn't seem to be resisting. His control had slipped, but only slightly.

The passion I felt from Edward now was nothing he had shown me before, not through his kisses, anyway, and he dazzled me now more than he ever had.

The world ceased to exist.

I felt only Edward. I breathed only Edward. I drank in his sent, and I lived for the creature in my arms.

I wanted him….I needed him… Forever.


	2. How Do You Do

How Do You Do?

I lay in my bed, anything but peaceful. I fidgeted this way and that, trying to at least get comfortable, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle. There was no way I would be able to settle until Edward arrived. Even with all of Edward's assurances that he would never be able to leave again, I couldn't help but feel a small fraction of the pain I had experienced from his previous long term absence every time that he left me.

I could still hear the sounds of baseball floating up the stairs and knew Charlie wouldn't be moving anywhere for a while. I sighed and sat back up in bed, reaching for my well thumbed copy of Wuthering Heights.

I had just reached the end of chapter 1 when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. I looked up and gasped when I saw Edward standing next to my window.

Just as perfect and just as beautiful as ever.

No words were exchanged between us as he made his way over to my bed; he simply stared at me just as I stared at him. He gently pulled my book out of my hand and flung it onto the rocking chair in the corner of my room.

I moved over on the bed, making room for him, and lay down once more. Just as he always did, Edward lay next to me, never breaking the eye contact we held. We smiled at each other and I wrapped an arm across his waist and cuddled up to his chest. I was home.

_I see you comb your hair and gimme that grin.  
It's making me spin now, spinnin' within._

I looked up at him again; he was staring back. I sat up slightly, and my lips met his without a thought, it was the most natural thing in the world for my warm lips to mould themselves to his. I could kiss him forever and never tire, but obviously, my lungs had other plans. I broke unwillingly from him and drew in gasping breaths.

Edward ran a hand through his already unruly hair and smiled my favourite crooked grin. My breaths became wilder, if it was even possible, and his gaze held mine like I was a deer caught in his headlights. My thoughts spun, but they spun around one thing, the most important thing in my world - him.

_Before I melt like snow, I say Hello -  
How do you do!  
_

His eyes were closer to black than gold today, and yet, they still held mine as easily as any part of his body would. I could feel myself melting, like my bones were jelly, and the only thing stopping me from becoming a puddle on the floor was his cool body against mine. I released the breath I hadn't realised I was holding and uttered the first words of the night.

"Hi… I missed you."

Edward chuckled once and swept the length of my cheekbones with the back of his hands, while whispering, "Half an hour away from you is far too long. I couldn't stay away any longer. Charlie will be going to bed in around an hour, but until then, we'll have to keep our voices down."

I grinned at him again and pressed my lips to his once more – a sure fire way to stay quiet.

_I love the way you undress now. Baby begin.  
Do your caress, honey, my heart's in a  
mess.  
_

_Why was it that I had so little control? Or was it because Edward had so much control that my own seemed feeble? _

With my arms locked around his neck, it was his control that kept me at bay. Edward pushed my face back and smiled gently. "Carefully, love." His expression was slightly amused.

"Fine," I whispered quickly before kissing him again, though not as fiercely. My hands finally managed to unlock from his neck and they began to trail down his chest. My fingers traced every contour of his perfect, cold, marble chest and my heart took off on a rhythm of its own.

His hands predictably moved to restrain mine, but I whimpered against his lips, and for once, his restricting hands fell away and settled on my back, caressing up and down my spine, and making me shiver uncontrollably.

My fingers found the hem of Edward shirt, while my heart practically pounded against my ribcage. The ice cold feel of his skin almost burned, and the nerves in my fingers turned into live wires, but before the electricity could shock me further, Edward's restraining hands were back on mine.

This time, there was no whine escaping my lips. It was a growl, a growl of pure undiluted frustration.

Edward broke away from me and smirked as I tried to glare at him. Then, he did something that shocked me to the very core - he moved away from me.

"What do you think you're doing?!" I almost shouted at him, shooting up in the bed. But he placed a finger on my lips to remind me to be quite. It was silent for a second as we both listened, but the sounds of baseball still drifted up the stairs.

Edward grinned, and what he did next made it impossible for me to speak, even if I had wanted to.

Edward moved to the corner of the room, confusing me further, and then, in the blink of an eye, he had removed the thin grey t-shirt he wore and dropped in on the rocking chair beside him. Then, he moved back to me with deliberately slow movements.

"Just because you have to be dressed doesn't mean I have to be." His crooked grin graced his face again as I stared at him in shock. _Surely, this was crossing the line?_ The line he had quite clearly defined to be absolute. And yet, here he was, lying back down beside me, wrapping my body in his arms once again.

My hands fell back against his chest, and my finger traced every line.

"Wow!" I breathed, not able to look away from his perfectly sculpted chest.

"I'm glad you approve but don't forget you need to stay warm," he murmured, tugging at the edges of the blanket I was wrapped in and making sure they were secure. I sighed in annoyance and tore my eyes away from his beautiful chest, focusing on his face.

He stared back at me and I saw the incredible emotion in his eyes. His fingers trailed from my temple down to my lips, leaving a burning trail behind him. His finger rested on my bottom lip.

"Bella."

He barely breathed my name, and yet, it started my heart off into palpitations. My breathing took 'erratic' to the next level and hitched in my chest as he leant forward and pressed his perfect marble lips to mine.

_I love your blue-eyed voice,  
like Tiny Tim shines thru.  
How do you do!_

A little while later, we heard Charlie make his way upstairs. Edward reluctantly pulled away from me and hid in my closet; we both knew Charlie would come to check on me. I quickly lay down and closed my eyes. The door opened softly and I heard Charlie's quiet breathing as he put his head around my door.

"Bella?"

Something wasn't right, Charlie never actually spoke to see if I was awake. I lay still trying in vain to keep my breathing even.

"Bella!"

His voice was angry now and I was completely confused, I figured it was time I 'woke up'. I pretended to stir and slowly opened my eyes to see Charlie's furious face just inside of my door.

"Dad? What's the matter?"

My voice was coarse from worry, which added to the pretence of being asleep.

"Can you _please_ explain what's going on?" he demanded, anger ringing off every syllable as he pointed towards the corner of my room.

For one split second, I thought it was Edward, but in the same second, I realised he would never do that. I sat up slowly and looked towards the direction he was pointing at. I instantly knew what had made Charlie so incredibly angry.

Edward's shirt was still draped over the arm of the rocking chair. A hundred excuses and cover up stories flew through my head, but I knew none would convince Charlie. This time, I couldn't even think of a half truth, so instead I set my face in its current emotion and lied through my teeth.

"Oh, that! When Edward was helping me cook dinner, he spilt some of the sauce on his top, so I told him I would wash it."

I shrugged to try and make it more convincing. Thanking Edward silently that he had got changed before climbing in my window, I then added,

"He drove home to get another top and then came back so we could do our homework."

Charlie contemplated my story for two long minutes and my face set into a hard mask. Whatever was on my face seemed to work because Charlie visibly relaxed, then mumbled something that sounded like,

"Oh, sorry go back to sleep," before he left the room.

I held my breath for a second longer, then let it out in a loud sigh and fell back against my pillow, relieved that was over.

Cool arms wrapped around me once more, and I smiled before turning into his chest and wrapping my arm around him in a tender hug.

"I'm sorry, Bella," his golden voice whispered in my ear. "I can't believe I forgot to move it."

I chuckled and hugged him closer. "Hey, don't worry about it, I finally told a lie that someone actually believed," I said before giggling again. I looked up at him and he smiled back.

"That's true. Who would have thought that was possible?" He smiled my favourite crooked grin, and bent down to kiss me.

He broke off and trailed kisses down my jaw to the hollow under my ear, with his cool breath causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up and goose bumps to erupt along my skin.

"Sleep, Bella. Sleep, my precious, beautiful, Bella." I sighed in complete contentment and rested my head against his chest, his perfect musical voice muttering in my ear famous poems, poems I had never heard before, poems I couldn't be sure he hadn't wrote himself, and lyrics from songs old and new.

As sleep began to take me, I bathed in the soft timbre of his voice, allowing it to wash away ever worry, every care in the world, every thought that occupied my head apart from how deeply and desperately I loved the being next to me. The last thing I heard was the quiet, smooth, flowing rhythm of my lullaby.

_How do you do, do you do, the things that you do.  
No one I know could ever keep up with you.  
How do you do!  
Did it ever make sense to you to say Bye  
Bye Bye?  
How do you do, do you do, the things that you do.  
No one I know could ever keep up with you.  
How do you do!  
Did it ever make sense to you to say Bye  
Bye Bye?  
_

I slept with only good dreams present in my mind, thanks to Edward's cool arms that were wrapped around me. It seemed my subconscious mind was just as intent on figuring out why Edward affected me so much as my conscious one. My dream, though good, was not usual.

For one, it skipped quickly from one scene to another, replaying almost every memory I had with him.

From the first murderous look, to the first time we touched, to the fist kiss, even to the first time that I realised I loved him.

If Edward could see these dreams, then maybe he would finally have some idea of just how much he meant to me, just how much I loved him.

More than anything man could measure.

Then the dream settled on the meal we had in Port Angeles. I could clearly see the look on his face from after I had told him he dazzled people. The shock and hint of smugness had only proven to make me love him more.

It was still a mystery to me why Edward wanted me, why he loved me so. I was a plain human, someone who didn't fit at his side, someone who didn't belong. And yet, here he was, refusing to leave my side for too long, controlling himself to the point of pain, for me. It made my head hurt to think about it.

The feelings coursing through me, even within a dream, were astonishing. It felt like I was reliving everything I had ever felt, with him as the trigger. _How did he do it?_ _Was it purely supernatural or was it something else?_ I knew I was weak to resist him, though it didn't bother me. As long as he never thought about leaving again, I was happy.

_I see you in that chair with the perfect  
skin.  
Well how have you been, baby, livin' in  
sin? _

_Hey, I gotta know, did you say Hello -  
How do you do?_  
_  
_

I woke to Edward's cool lips running along my collarbone. I sighed and reached out with my hands to find him, his fingers interlocked with mine as his kisses began to run up my jaw. His lips found mine and I kissed him with the passion I couldn't contain.

Edward broke off first, as usual, and I gasped for breath.

"We need to be at school shortly, love," he murmured in my ear.

"School can wait," I replied, kissing him again. He chuckled against my lips and broke off once more.

"Maybe it can, but Alice can't, she's waiting to harass you into a shopping trip this weekend, while I'll be hunting,"

I sighed in frustration; I had forgotten that Edward was away this weekend, though his dark eyes were a clear clue.

"Wonderful," I mumbled, before dragging myself away from him. I got up off the bed and grabbed my shower bag and clothes. I looked back at the bed before I went to the bathroom, and my breath caught. Edward was stretched out along the bed with his hands behind his head, staring at me.

I smiled at him and whispered, "Stay," before heading to the bathroom.

I took my time, allowing the warm water to relax me. I then dried my hair and kept it simple by putting it in a twist at my neck. When I was done, I got dressed and went back to my bedroom. Edward had moved.

He was sat in the rocking chair with a small smile on his face as I walked in.

"I thought I told you to stay," I told him with a smirk.

"You did, but that meant I wouldn't be able to do this," he said, smirking back and opening his arms for me. I grinned and flung myself across the room to his waiting arms.

I focused on trapping the image of Edward waiting for me into my memories. The way his skin was a pale contrast to the darkness of the wood on the chair made my own skin tingle. Even looking at him dazzled both my body and my mind.

I was wrapped in his cool embrace, and with my head resting on his shoulder, his skin sent waves of electricity pulsing through my body.

My mind wondered back to my dream, sorting though the scenes. I settled on our first 'date' in Port Angeles just after Edward had saved me for the second time. It was the point where Edward had told me he could read minds, the point where I realised I couldn't go back.

Then, when I told him it didn't matter to me what he was, he had tried to make me take the danger seriously, tried in vain to persuade me to tell him it was over, that I wanted nothing more to do with him. But how could I do that when he was the point to which my whole life revolved?

He had told me time and again that I could do better; he believed himself a monster. True to say, he had killed people, and lived in sin. But was it truly sin when he was saving the innocent? He only killed those who were true monsters.

He could never be one; I couldn't and wouldn't believe it.

_Well, here we are spending time in the  
louder part of town  
and it feels like everything's surreal.  
When I get old I will wait outside your  
house  
cos your hands have got the power meant to  
heal.  
_

I began to think about everything we had been through, the good and the bad. And personally, the worst time – apart from when he left, obviously – was prom. It wasn't the dancing, but the words. That was the day he had first told me that he would never change me.

Things were different now; the Volturi had made sure of that. There was no way Edward could carry out his original plan of letting me grow old, and yet, I got the distinct feeling he was going to try. His assumption that Demetri wouldn't be able to track me gave him enough reason to try, in his mind, anyway.

I was extremely thankful for every second I had with him and I didn't like wasting them by wallowing, but I knew that one human lifetime would not be enough to fulfil the need I felt for him.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and kissed his neck, trailing kisses up underneath his ear and along his jaw, until I finally found his mouth. The kiss was careful, but full of love all the same. And I realised in that moment that as long as he stayed, I would wait.

I would wait until he could see that this is what I wanted… what I needed. And I would wait, even if it took until I was old and grey. I shuddered at the thought, and instantly Edward began to pull away. But I clung to him and kissed him again.

All I could do at the moment was to wait. I would continue down this human path until Edward decided, or, and it was an interesting thought, until a time came when he would _have_ to change me. What if something happened to me – it was extremely likely, because it was me – that meant Edward _had_ to change me, to use his healing hands, or teeth, to stop me from being taken from him too soon. I could only hope.

_How do you do, do you do, the things that  
you do.  
No one I know could ever keep up with you.  
How do you do!  
Did it ever make sense to you to say Bye  
Bye Bye?_

Edward must have seen me pondering, because his cool fingers were under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his. He smiled gently at me, and once again, pressed his lips to mine. His hands held me to him securely, one at my lower back and the other at my neck. I turned to straddle his lap and locked my hands around his neck, deepening the kiss.

Edward pulled away, but his lips never left my skin; they trailed down my jaw, along my throat, along my collarbone.

With my breathing becoming more and more erratic, I managed to stutter out, "How do you do this to me?" I pulled his lips back to mine, and I stared into his onyx eyes, whispering fiercely, "Never leave me."

He stared back at me, the depth in his eyes overwhelming.

"Never."


	3. Can't Stop The Rain

Can't Stop the Rain

It was more than a trance, it was more than numbness, this was…nothing.

I had awoken from my dead-like state when Charlie had tried to send me back to Jacksonville, but in some ways I wish I hadn't.

These days, I went to school and work, but I wasn't living. I had to try my hardest to answer people, Charlie, especially. And though I tried to make my voice sound somewhat alive, I don't think I was fooling anyone.

_How, how am I supposed to feel  
When everything's surrounding me  
It's nothing but a fake disguise_

I drifted through my days under a constant mask, hiding the fact that I was fighting unimaginable pain every minute.

Even right now as, Charlie once again attempted to talk to me. "How was school today, Bells?" He looked at my face, searching for something, though I didn't know what it was, or have the energy to figure it out.

"Fine, nothing really happened." Not that I would notice even if it did.

"Oh, OK." At least Charlie knew that he shouldn't push for more information.

I cleared the table, and after doing the dishes, traipsed slowly up the stairs. I knew I couldn't put off the inevitable for long, but I tried my best to delay it.

I showered and got dressed, then crawled under the covers of my bed.

The deep curtain of despair fell once again as I lay curled into a tight ball. The walls I kept up constantly during the day fell away and I allowed my heart to become submerged in the bitter sweet memories of _Him. _

The mask I wore daily slipped and the torturous pain that it could never fully conceal broke across my face, twisting my features and making my head pound.

I was sure there was only so much of this I could take, the anguish that was in a constant war with my missing heart made it almost impossible to breathe, ripped my chest open and filled me with a pain so fierce that it was all I could do not to scream.

_I don't know,  
I don't know where I belong  
It's time for me to carry on  
I'll say goodbye_

The morning came abruptly, along with the now certain scream that awoke me from the more concentrated version of the nightmare I was living day in, day out.

I took me longer in the mornings now; I simply had to lie in my bed, gathering what was left of my broken strength to make it through the day.

I felt no impulse to get up anymore; the only reason I did was for Charlie. I lived in my numbness, allowing nothing to break through. I had not felt any emotion even close to happiness in such a long time that I had almost forgotten what it felt like completely.

And now that my reason for living had gone, I didn't know where I belonged in the world. It was strange to me now that I had once lived life not knowing what was in my future. I had gone from day to day not thinking about my life or what I wanted to do in it. And then, then I found my future, in the form of _Him,_ only to have it ripped from me when every thing seemed so right. And now I was back to stage one, not knowing where I was going or what the future held.

Once I had gathered as much of my shattered courage as possible, I knew it was time to start the day, for Charlie's sake. Once I had stopped dwelling on the memories, it didn't take me long. I almost had it perfected now; I was able to push them back and lock them up in the back of my mind, in a space that they rarely escaped.

I sighed, sat up, and put my hands over my face. It was time to say goodbye to the pain inducing memories.

_I can't stop the rain from fallin'  
I'm drownin in these tears I cry  
Since you left without a warning  
I face the dawn with sleepless eyes  
No I can't go on  
When clouds are pushin' down on me, boy  
I can't stop, I can't stop the rain  
From fallin_

Once again I passed through the day trapped in my state of numbness. It wouldn't allow anything but trivia to settle in my mind. Breakfast with Charlie was silent, as usual, though I didn't miss the glances that he threw my way as I chewed slowly on my cereal, not tasting it, just eating it, anything to keep Charlie from trying to send me away again.

There was only one thing now that I could feel anything for - the rain. I had to be glad for the rain, as strange as it seemed. Even to my closed down mind, there was no part of me now that pined for the sun, because I pined for one thing, one person only, but I couldn't think about that now, not yet. I had to keep those memories sealed away in my mind for a few more hours.

I drowned in tears each night, I couldn't afford anymore today. I hardly slept nowadays. I wore myself out when my tears ran dry at night and then screamed myself awake in the early hours.

In truth, I wished it would rain everyday. I knew it couldn't bring anything back; _He _didn't want to come back. And yet, I knew I would stay here in this green, alien town, because it was only here that I could be sure my love was real and that was something I _had_ to know, even if I never saw him again, even if he didn't want me, I had to know that. And so I wouldn't stop the rain, even if I wanted to, I couldn't and wouldn't.

_So, tell me where I went wrong  
I'm stuck inside a dream long gone  
It's hard to reveal the truth_

Once again, I lay with my bed cover cocooned around me as the memories crashed down on me. The worst one hit me first, guaranteeing tonight would be ten times worse than the night before.

_The forest trail just in front of my house, green and enclosed, quiet and secluded. **Him,** standing tall and beautiful, with hard, clear topaz eyes._

_His voice, telling me he didn't want me, wiping away all the promises he had ever made to me, except one – 'It will be as if I'd never existed`._

What a stupid, ridiculous promise to make! As if I could ever forget him! I knew it was my fault for what happened at my birthday party. My stupid, clumsy nature had driven my reason for living from my arms, from my life. And with him, he had taken any chance of the future I had dreamed of, the future that meant I would never have to leave him or him me.

Yet, even as I thought of this, I knew it was only half the reason. He had realised what I knew all along, that he was too good for me.

I could have told him that from day one, but I had honestly began to believe that it didn't matter to him, that he loved me regardless, and then, he had spoken those horrible words. My chest tore open once more and my night of hell started again.

_Your love,  
Is nothing but a bitter taste  
It's better if I walk away,  
Away from you_

And then, the other memories came. The ones that had once brought me joy now stung like a bad taste in my mouth. The whispered promises _He_ made had been wiped away as soon as he spoke those words in the forest.

I had to stop this.

I had to stop coming back to these every night, I had to lock them away and carry on. The nightmares were harder, and even after all this time I didn't know how to cope with them. I knew I should stop looking, stop searching for what wasn't there, but I couldn't.

I knew it would be better for everyone else, if not, for me, if I could at least start to feel something other than pain again, if I let the memory of him take a backseat. But I couldn't stop the fact that it was always there, always present, always hurting me but in the background.

But, as hard as I tried to let go of the pain, I knew, with a ferocity that overwhelmed me to the core that I couldn't walk away from _Him. _

_I can't stop the rain from fallin'  
I'm drownin in these tears I cry  
Since you left without a warning  
I face the dawn with sleepless eyes  
No I can't go on  
When clouds are pushin' down on me, boy  
I can't stop, I can't stop the rain  
From fallin_

I was drowning again, gasping again, hurting again.

_"Come back to me" _

Was my last thought as despair crashed down on me for the hundredth night.

**Well thats it :) if you liked it Review, if you didnt review and tell me why :)**


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